Don't Give Up
by BE-A-TLE
Summary: Continues after Fade. Poor, Poor Jamie.


Disclaimer- Nope can't think of another word that means the characters still aren't in my possession. The song is Don't Give Up by Peter Gabrielle.   
  
Author Notes- The third in my series. This picks up right after Fade. Thanks to Arcadia for Beta reading for me, and I hope you guys like this story.....I know I keep disappearing but stuff happens. I'm back for a little while. So on with the story.  
  
  
Don't Give Up  
  
in this proud land we grew up strong  
we were wanted all along  
I was taught to fight, taught to win  
I never thought I could fail  
  
*******************************************  
  
Jamie continued running, his vision blurred slightly with tears and Val's words echoed in his head. "Just because you couldn't keep your mom alive..." Coming within sight of his house, his sanctuary, he slowed his frantic sprint. He fumbled with the keys for a moment, finally forcing the door open he began down the hall.  
  
"Jamie?" Peter called. Before he could stop it, a choked sob escaped the back of his throat. "Jamie?" Peter asked, much more alarmed this time. Jamie knew, if he could just make it to his room, he wouldn't have to say anything, no such luck. The moment the thought came to him, he stumbled in the hallway, pain rocketed up his ankle, and he hit the floor. Losing what little control he still had, sobbing into the vinyl flooring. Shocked, Peter slid to the floor next to him.  
  
"She was right." Jamie got out.  
  
"Who was right Jamie?" Peter asked, rubbing Jamie's back soothingly.  
  
"Val, she was right."  
  
"What did Val say?"  
  
"I couldn't keep Mom alive. I tried, honestly I tried." Peter shocked that anyone would say that to him.  
  
"Jamie-" Peter began.  
  
"No, she's right, I tried, but I couldn't do it." Jamie managed to pull himself into a sitting position, drawing his knees up to his chest. Peter looped his arm around Jamie's shoulders and pulled him over.  
  
"Now you listen to me. I don't know who this Val thinks she is, but Mom was terminal, no matter what you did, she was going to die. You kept her alive a year longer than anyone expected." Peter sighed and Jamie let out a sniffle.   
  
"She actually comforted me the day Mom died." Jamie explained. "I guess that's why it hurt so much."  
  
"Why don't you go lay down for a while?" Peter suggested. Jamie nodded and stood shakily for a moment.   
  
"Thanks Peter." he shuffled down the hall and entered his room, shutting the door quietly behind him. Peter turned on his heals and headed into the kitchen, throwing himself into the chair he angrily thought about what Jamie had just told him.   
  
**********************************************  
no fight left or so it seems  
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted  
I've changed my face, I've changed my name  
but no one wants you when you lose  
************************************************  
  
Nearly an hour had passed when there was a knock on the door. Peter strode angrily to the door and pulled it up. Three kids in EMT uniforms stood there.  
  
"Hi, um, we worked with Jamie on the EMT Squad. I'm Hank, this is Tyler and Val." At Val's name Peter's expression changed from angry to stone.  
  
"Is Jamie home?" Tyler spoke up.  
  
"He's not having visitors."  
  
"Is he all right?" Val asked timidly.  
  
"He is far from being all right miss."  
  
"Peter who are you talking too?" Jamie's sleep filled voice filled the hallway.  
  
"Jamie?" Tyler called. Jamie appeared behind Peter, his eyes red and swollen, and sleep still clouded his eyes. Peter made no attempt to separate himself from the teens.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Jamie asked.  
  
"We wanted to talk to you..." Tyler began.  
  
"I think you've done enough." Peter cut in smoothly.   
  
"I don't have the stability to hear anything you have to say right now." Jamie said, his voice a hollow echo of what it use to be. "I'm going to go back to bed okay Peter?"  
  
"Yeah, you do that." Peter replied. Jamie turned and began walking down the hall.  
  
"I'm sorry Jamie!" Val called as Peter shut the door.  
  
************************************************  
don't give up  
'cos you have friends  
don't give up  
you're not beaten yet  
don't give up  
I know you can make it good  
****************************************  
  
Shortly after that little fiasco Caitie showed up. "He's in his room, he might still be asleep." Peter said as he let her in.   
  
"How is he today?"  
  
"The EMTs came by."  
  
"Its about time."  
  
"They didn't talk."   
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I wouldn't let them in the house after what that girl said." Caitie's stomach churned. Val could sometimes forget to use tact.  
  
"What did she say?"  
  
"From what I got from Jamie, that he couldn't save our mother."  
  
"Oh god." Caitie hissed. "I'll go check on him." She disappeared down the hall and tapped lightly on the door. Receiving no answer she pushed open the door. Jamie was laying on his stomach, one arm dangling over the side. His fingers were curled as they lay against the carpet. Caitie approached the bed and knelt by his head. His breathing was labored and Caitie studied the tear streaks on his pale skin. Without thinking about it, she brushed her hand across his cheek. He didn't move from his deep much needed slumber. She reached down and covered him with the folded blanket at the end of his bed. She stood and tip toed out of the room.  
  
"He asleep?"  
  
"Yeah," Peter nodded, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose.  
  
"He's slipping away from us Caitie."  
  
"Well, we simply can't let that happen." Caitie replied with resolve.  
  
"Your right, cause he's all I have left." Peter replied softly.  
  
************************************  
though I saw it all around  
never thought that I could be affected  
thought that we'd be last to go  
it is so strange the way things turn  
*************************************  
  
It was midnight when Jamie awoke again. It was storming outside and Jamie knew he wasn't going to be getting much more sleep tonight. He changed into night clothes anyway and wandered out into living room. He tucked one leg under him and flicked on the TV. He flipped through the channels repeatedly. Another night of sleeplessness. He had slept some, he'd slept on an off for six hours. More than he'd gotten in a long time. He pulled the afgastian off the back and wrapped it around his shoulders. Bringing his other leg up, he curled up against the arm of the sofa. It was the night when he couldn't sleep that all the memories came back. It was the night when Jamie left the grief show. It was when no one was watching. Except for today. Today, he'd lost the composure he fought so hard to have. He lost it all with one comment. Working as the EMT he saw people sickly and nearly dying. He knew his mom was sick, however, it still came as a shock when she died. Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Jamie tried to concentrate on the late movie which was playing.   
  
****************************************  
drove the night toward my home  
the place where I was born, on the lakeside  
as daylight broke, I saw the earth  
the trees had burned down to the ground  
****************************************  
  
School had now became a game of whether or not Jamie could keep away from Val, Tyler, and Hank. It had been going on for almost a week, and Jamie wished they'd just let him win and leave him the hell alone. He peeked around the corner only to see Hank standing by his locker. Damn, Jamie actually needed to be there. He hesitated debating on whether or not to just blow it off completely, but he really had to get that book. He sighed, straightened up and walked over to it.  
  
"Jamie we-" Jamie held up his hand.  
  
"I have nothing to say to you, and I don't want to hear anything you have to say to me."  
  
"Jamie-" Hank tried again. "Be reasonable. Don't sulk and be angry, let us try and talk to you!" Jamie slammed his locker shut, and Hank flinched.  
  
"So now you want to talk to me? You didn't want to talk to me when I really needed you to, but now that I, heaven forbid, am angry with you and your precious squad, I'm sulking?!"  
  
"Jamie-"  
  
"I don't want you to talk to me Hank. I don't want you to pity me. I just want you to leave me alone."  
  
"Come on Jamie-"  
  
"Leave. Me. Alone." It was then Jamie realized he was yelling. He colored slightly before turning abruptly and taking off through the double doors.   
  
*****************************************  
don't give up  
you still have us  
don't give up  
we don't need much of anything  
don't give up  
'cause somewhere there's a place  
where we belong  
********************************************  
  
Jamie's lungs began to ach as he ran. He was pushing himself further than he should, and he knew it. He finally fell gasping to his knees. He gasped several times until he could breath normally again and seated himself with his back against the tree. He sat, unmoving for nearly an hour. He thought of his mother, everything that had happened, and everything that had been said, he thought until the pain and loss became so overwhelming he couldn't breath. All he felt was pain. A dull aching pain, that ripped at him until he wanted to give up completely. The thought of giving up nagged at the back of his mind. It was tempting to give up, very tempting. To escape the pain, to fall into a oblivion. Would he have the nerve to do it?  
  
********************************************  
rest your head  
you worry too much  
it's going to be alright  
when times get rough  
you can fall back on us  
don't give up  
please don't give up  
  
*********************************************  
Hank, Val and Tyler sat at the station, sullenly. "He was angrier than I'd ever seen." Hank said.  
  
"Can't say I blame him." Tyler admitted.  
  
"Yeah, we ignored him when he needed us. And now we're angry because he's snubbing us just like we snubbed him." Hank agreed.   
  
"I know its my fault he's so upset. I know it was stupid to say what I did, but I wasn't thinking." Val said softly.  
  
"None of us were thinking." Tyler replied. "None of us stopped and went. 'Hm, might be a good idea to check on Jamie.' We just went on with our lives, totally neglecting someone who was really hurting."  
  
"You know, this didn't happen when my dad was so sick." Val said softly. "Everyone asked how he was. Jamie included."  
  
"So why did we snub him?" Hank asked in frustration.  
  
"I don't know, all I know is he's hurting so badly, and we can't help him." Tyler said.  
  
"We could have helped him." Val said softly. "But we didn't."  
  
"What we have to do is just try and help him now." Tyler said.  
  
"He doesn't want our help." Hank replied grimly. "He wants us to leave him alone."  
  
"We can't let him push us away. We have to show him we're sorry and we're here for him now." Val replied.  
  
"He won't have it. I tried earlier." Hank reminded.   
  
"I know, but we have to try." Val replied.  
  
"We owe him that. We owe him so much more than that, but we have to try to help him" Tyler agreed. Now the trick was trying to get Jamie to listen to them.  
  
********************************************  
'got to walk out of here  
I can't take anymore  
going to stand on that bridge  
keep my eyes down below  
whatever may come  
and whatever may go  
that river's flowing  
that river's flowing  
********************************************  
  
Jamie stood on the edge of the bridge, watching the rushing water below him. There was no railing, how easy it would be for him to just 'slip'. He stared as the water whirled by in its turbulent path. His pain could all be ended, by adding himself to that turbulence. The more logical part of him kicked in then, reminding him that if he threw himself in, he would be ridening himself of his pain, but adding to the pain of Peter. Would Caitie miss him? He stood unmoving on the side of the bridge, watching the swirling water. Lost in his own world. It would be so easy to let go. Forget the others, let himself go, lose the pain. The only thing that kept him anchored to where he stood was, would it be worth losing his own pain, if he just heaped it onto others?  
  
*******************************************  
moved on to another town  
tried hard to settle down  
for every job, so many men  
so many men no-one needs  
********************************************  
  
Alex was slowly heading home, the rain which stared several minutes before hindering him a lot. His headlight reflected off the water, and he saw someone standing on the bridge. Squinting, he became concerned and stopped the car. Grabbing his umbrella he quickly. made his way towards the bridge. As he drew closer he realized it was Jamie.  
  
"Jamie?"  
  
"I couldn't do it." Jamie said softly.  
  
"Do what Jamie?" Jamie didn't turn to look at him.  
  
"I couldn't." Something about his tone of voice told him everything Alex needed to know. He grabbed Jamie by the shoulder and forced him around, so he could see his face.  
  
"Did you try and throw yourself in the River?"  
  
"I couldn't." Jamie repeated.  
  
"But you wanted too?" Jamie nodded. Impulsively, Alex pulled Jamie to him.  
  
"I couldn't." Jamie said his voice cracking.  
  
"Thank god you didn't Jamie." Alex murmured. "Come on, I'll take you home." Jamie didn't resist as Alex steered him into the car.  
  
********************************************  
don't give up  
'cause you have friends  
don't give up  
you're not the only one  
don't give up  
********************************************  
  
Alex explained to Peter what had happened, while Jamie had gone directly into his room. When Alex left, Peter went down into Jamie's room. Jamie was curled up on his bed, his back to him. Peter sat on the side.  
  
"You wanna tell me what you were thinking?" Peter asked.  
  
"I wasn't thinking anything." Jamie replied.  
  
"You must have been thinking something." Peter replied.  
  
"I was thinking a lot of things."  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"Why mostly."  
  
"Why you were so distraught you thought about throwing yourself in the river?" Peter asked angrily Jamie nodded slightly.  
  
"I'm sorry."   
  
"Jamie-" Peter's voice softened.  
  
"I couldn't do it."  
  
"Are you sorry you couldn't do it, or sorry you thought about it in the first place?"  
  
"Both."  
  
"Look Jamie, if you HAD thrown yourself in the river I don't know what I would have done."  
  
"I know. That's why I couldn't do it."  
  
"I need you to promise me you won't do anything like this again." Jamie didn't reply for a moment before he slowly nodded. "No, I want you to say it."  
  
"I promise I won't do anything stupid." Jamie said quietly.  
  
"Do you want something to eat?" Jamie shook his head. "Then why don't you try and get some sleep?" Jamie drew his legs up closer to him and closed his eyes. Peter sighed and left the room, closing the door behind him, he slid down the wall outside of Jamie's room and buried his face in his hands.  
  
********************************************  
no reason to be ashamed  
don't give up  
you still have us  
don't give up now  
we're proud of who you are  
*********************************************  
  
Alex hadn't told Val, Tyler, or Hank about what had happened at the River. Peter never told Caitie. Jamie's friends were oblivious to the fact he'd come very close to ending it all. Caitie came and went as she always did, and the Super Squad still tried endlessly to gain Jamie's attention long enough for them to talk. One day they sucessded, cornering him in the hallway. The three boxed him in.  
  
"Jamie, I know your mad at us, and we totally know why. However, we do need to talk." Val began.  
  
"First, we want to apologize for being crummy friends. We left you out in the cold when you really needed us. You've never done that to us. We're so sorry." Hank said.  
  
"We also want you to know, we really want to try and help you now." Tyler picked up. "If there's anything you need us for, please, we want to help you."  
  
"Yeah, like a few days ago." Jamie muttered.  
  
"What?" Hank asked.  
  
"Uh, nothing." Jamie replied with a sigh. "Look, its cool okay? Just....If I need you I'll let you know." The three nodded. "I have to go, but I'll see you later." Jamie made a quick retreat.   
  
"Do you think he means it, or was just trying to make an escape?" Hank asked.  
  
"I don't know, I hope he meant it." Val replied.  
  
"Yeah, I hope he talks to someone before he spirals out of control." Tyler said, shaking his head.  
  
"Yeah." Val and Hank agreed in unison.  
**********************************************  
  
don't give up  
you know it's never been easy  
don't give up  
'cause I believe there's a place  
there's a place where we belong  
  
  
Finis! Okay, so the plan had been to make this a 3 part series, now I can either end it here, or write more, I haven't decided. Depending on feedback I'll decide what to do. But there ya go! 


End file.
